When did you stop?

Excerpt from my journal

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Watched a movie yesterday titled, “I’ll See You in My Dreams,” mostly because I saw Sam Elliot was in it, HA!  Also, Blythe Danner, who by the way, did an excellent job portraying her character (so as not to discredit the female lead and let the “Sam Elliot” prejudice outshine her talent.)

The movie made quite an impact on me.  Not a “WOW, what an action packed, computer graphics poster child” kind of impact but a “Holy Buckets I Get It” kind of impact.

So, in a teeny-tiny nutshell, here's the plot:  

Blythe Danner’s character (Carol) is an attractive woman in her mid 60’s, she’s been widowed 20 years, retired, financially comfortable and has created a “safe” life that includes a group of widowed girlfriends who live in a “retirement community” which she refuses to move to.

The 1^st “hook” in the movie’s beginning, that immediately snagged me, was when Carol realized that her 14 year-old yellow lab, Hazel, was at life’s end and it was time for her to help her four-legged companion cross over.  OK, to some family and friends, you know why this part had me sobbing right off  the bat and immediately made me realize this was a movie, and a message, with my name on it.

So, where’s the impact?

As the movie progresses, Carol steps outside her comfort zone and goes to a local bar, that features karaoke, with the young and handsome guy who cleans her pool.  What motivated this?  Carol shared with this young, handsome man (while he was doing his pool cleaning duties) that she was a singer in her youth, and sang in The Village, in New York City, in the 60’s.  He’s impressed and wants to hear her sing. 

He sings, he sucks (he’s a struggling song writer.)

She sings and she’s amazing! 

He asks her, “When did you quit singing?”  She looks a bit gut-punched, pauses and then replies, “I don’t know.  I just woke up one morning and I had quit.”  

It seems Carol got married, had a daughter and did the “responsible” things, became a teacher, a reading teacher, “and whatever else nobody else wanted to teach,” to pay the bills, buy a house, blah, blah, blah….

Then her attorney husband gets killed in a plane crash, she retires and here she is.

I have to add, Carol also meets (and falls for) Sam Elliot (Bill), who also lives in the retirement community.  She takes the plunge and sleeps with him, MASSIVE out-of-her-comfort-zone world!  Then, out of the freekin’ blue, before she can see him again, Sam/Bill dies!  What??  First “Hazel” and now Sam/Bill!  Good God, where’s the justice in that?!

OK, that’s Sam Elliot’s small role in this plot that sucked me in like bees to a honey pot.  Back to my point….

“I just woke up one morning and I had quit.”  That one statement hit me like a ton of bricks.

Life is like that.  You just wake up one morning and realize that the one thing you were REALLY good at, that one thing YOU were passionate about, that One Thing, you quit doing, because bills needed to be paid and kids needed to be raised and, and, and….

Then you’re starin’ down the barrel of a sawed off Life you thought was a bit longer and BANG!  Time’s up!  It doesn’t matter if you saved all your receipts, the original boxes, purchased the extended warranty plans and followed the instruction manuals to the “T”.  There are no refunds, no 1-800 customer service complaint numbers or bad review websites that will result in a “let me do that again” outcome. 

I’m taken aback by the swiftness of Life and the way it can slip and slide from youthful ignorance (or should I say inexperience) to slam-bam-thank-you- ma’am hard core reality, wiping out the act of practicing those natural talents that brought us such joy.

What did you wake up realizing you quit doing?

What passion did you lock away when “duty” called?

You don’t need to change the world, you just need to grab on, hold tight and just RIDE that passion. 

Even if you have to go back to using training wheels, just ride, until the tread’s worn smooth, the battery’s stone-cold dead and the GPS is showing you a route that ends up somewhere over the rainbow (the Rainbow Bridge in My World.)

Yeah, I can hear the groans and excuses, BUT I don’t have the money, the time, good enough health……

I once said, “I was born a lottery winner!  I was born white and American!”  Now, even though the politically correct police are on my tail for that statement, it’s My Truth and I’m sticking to it!  There are more opportunities to “make it work” in the good ol’ U S of A than anywhere else on the planet.  People die every day seeking the gifts I was given by virtue of my birth and I shall never take that, or the freedoms it offers me, for granted.

I don’t need to write a novel that skyrockets me to the fame level of John Steinbeck or produce a podcast that rivals Mike Rowe but I can sit down and pound out an amateur blog, scribble a journal entry onto college ruled notebook paper, or really get my hands dirty, and create a wooden sign for a friend that honors a loved one at Christmas.

Not world peace, but acts of Self Kindness that balance the Spirit and sooth the Soul. 

What a different world it would be if everyone could meet in that place.

For now, it’s all I can do to journey there myself from time to time.

I’ll keep the light on, save you a spot and keep an eye out for ya all. 

P.S. – Just so ya know, all the above ain’t easy.  If you’re lookin’ for easy don’t waste your time or energy.  I’m cleaning homes, yes scrubbing other old folks’ toilets, to pay for my travel passions this coming summer.  A “get-‘er-done” attitude is required. 

### Just The Beginning ###