Whatever has happened the last couple of weeks has left me a bit dazed.
Much of the whole experience is still a fuzzy blur of driving (as in … gettin there, time spent in a tractor/trailer and cruising’ home), hours of homework, classmate interaction, drama, trauma, laughter and confusion inter-laced with comprehension. Along with …. Feelings of accomplishment, defeat, ignorance and “hell YES I get it!”, impatience, fear and intimidation.
I believe the most valuable observation for my Self was the other students, all experiencing the same emotional, mental and physical challenges as I. Most trusting that this career path would prove to be a lifelong road to financial and soul-satisfying success AND that the educational institution would guide them through the process of learning this skill. Three out of the six students in our class were vocational rehab participants, not only trusting the educational “system” they were in but also the government “system” that provided the financial means for them to be there.
If I’ve learned anything from this recent experience, (and the learning lessons will continue to surface over the next weeks, months and even years) it’s that trustworthy people and the programs they create/implement/monitor are an increasingly rare breed.
Now I admit that the residue of disappointment, anger and shock support that last statement, but whom among us have not turned bright optimistic faces toward a seemingly gutsy choice only to drag our ego wounded selves back to ground zero…. shame-faced and defeated not only because of our own actions, but also by the choices of those who wielded the power to either “make or break” our final goal. The “nothing ventured … nothing gained” philosophy at its finest.
As long as the personal agendas of “teachers” dictate their actions when interacting with those who seek their knowledge, those of us who seek to better our Selves will continue our infinite search.
Granted, some (and in fact …. perhaps most) of those who confront similar difficulties, as we did in our out-of-state truck driving school learning experience, will play the game and serve those who supposedly lead them and go on to excel in their chosen field, but at a cost my middle-aged Self chooses not to pay. At least, my integrity remains intact … a bit battered and bruised but intact.
Nothing a bit of clean Crown King mountain air won’t heal and DANG am I the lucky one to have a WHOLE network of TRUSTWORTHY and LOYAL friends and family to pat me on the head and say “now, now it will be alright” and when you’re ready ….. we’re here to help.
A VERY special thanks to the other half of this “team” who traveled to MO full of hope, high expectations and invested as much as I (emotionally & financially). What lessons you continue to teach me through your unwavering patience and gentle nature! xoxoxoxox
Those who walk “beside” us are the most precious earthly gifts we will ever be blessed with!
Stay tuned for the formation of a plan “B”!!
Perhaps the true "purpose" of this whole folly is for Yours Truly to document what many others are experiencing in this point in history...the sheer will to survive without compromising all they hold to be good and true in themselves. Hmmm........